Still stuck on music

   
       I like Adele's music somewhat, but I'm wondering if there is anyone out there over the age of ten who listens to the current music on the radio with regularity that isn't completely sick of "Rolling in the Deep". Unless you are into oldies or country, you can't help but hear it anywhere from three to ten times a day. We had visitors here in August which is two months ago, and I remember my daughter and her friend talking about how tired they were of the song back then. Could someone send a memo to the radio stations to find something else to play and make us sick of that instead? Please? It's seriously a decent song, but enough is enough! Sometimes I wake up and the damn thing is still running through my head from the day before and it sets me in a mood. I have to mentally turn the channel in my head to get something else stuck in there. PLEASE QUIT PLAYING THAT SONG!

Today, when I switched to my station at work, some damn thing was playing that sounded like sheep mating or something. Almost made me throw up it was so awful, which made me realize just how many bad decisions were made in order for me to hear that particular piece of crap. I mean really! 1. Someone wrote it. 2. Someone decided that the song was worth recording... and even after hearing it, they decided to release it. 3. Someone in programming at the radio station thought it would be a good thing to play. If just one of these idiotic decisions hadn't been made, I might have been listening to a nice Pearl Jam song, or maybe some U2. BUT NO! I decided I'd just take a minute from my busy day and go over and change the station. You'll never guess what was playing. UGH!

Katy Perry. See what I did there? You thought I was going one way and I went another. But let's talk about Katy for a second. First off, she is now the leader in number one songs since Obama got into office. Katy Friggin Perry. If you read my worst lyrics posts, you know I'm not all that fond of her. It started with her first song. I had heard it on the radio only a few times when it came on New Years Rockin' Eve whatever year that was. They brought Dick Clark out of the ice they store him in and he announced her singing "I Kissed a Girl." It kind of freaked me out when our 7 year old "almost relative" started singing about how she liked the taste of her cherry chapstick. Not that I'm a prude, but it seemed a little out there for a seven year old to know all those lyrics. Anyway, I haven't been much into Katy since then.

I will always love you. Well, most of you anyway.

Mr Snarky

Oh Halloween!!

    Do you remember when you were younger and the internet didn't exist?  When we had to come up with our own ideas for costumes, decorating, party ideas?  (Wow am I ever glad THOSE days are over!!!)  When it was "safe" to go trick-or-treating with your friends?  When neighbors would decorate their front room with spookiness and the kids would come right into the house to experience the "horror" of a haunted living room with expectations of candy?

Today was supposed to be a day of decorating and crafting with the kids.  I have these great ideas for something exciting and new that I wanted to share online with friends and family.  No such luck today.  Today has instead become a day of headaches and backed up laundry lines.  BOO!

Personally, I think one of the scariest things in the world is a toilet backing up and overflowing after a child has done his duty and used too much toilet paper.  Freaks me right the heck out!   Well... that's been trumped.  The laundry line backing into the toilet, bathtub and kitchen sink is a weeeeeeeeee bit worse than just a backed up toilet.  UGH!  The smell!  The HORROR!! The kids holding their legs together till the water goes down in the toilet so it can safely be used!  The lint and crud that circles the bathtub.... This is all very frightening!  Halloween ain't got nuthin' on this!!!

So I'm thinking... it would be really cool if we just set the candy up in a floating bowl in the bathtub... stick a knarly looking stuffed animal in the toilet with a grubby head and arm popping out of the top.... set up some creepy jack-o-lanterns around the counters along with some orange and black candles... and then invite the neighborhood to "trick-or-treat" in there and wish them a hearty "GOOD LUCK!"

What do you think?

In the meantime, as I wait for the drain cleaner to show up, I'm enjoying bouncing around online and found this great post from 2009 and thought I'd share it with you.  Please click the link under the pumpkin to be redirected to Laurie Hardin's amazing creations!

Laurie Hardin

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!

Please join in the fun today
and check out
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linky follower fest!!!

Mrs. Snarky  

Things You Don't Hear Every Day

Uhhhhhhhh...... what?

Sitting in our kitchen is entertaining.  The kitchen may be small... the booth we sit in is a tight fit for 4 people... the walk space is continually clogged up... But the kitchen is the hub of the house.  It is surrounded by a full and active living room and a hallway leading to the bedrooms and bathroom.  Because of that, you can hear pretty much anything going on in the house just sitting at the kitchen table.  Here are some things I recently overheard:

• "The Evil Ride of doom is over!"
• "Can we do an evil ride of jumpy squids?"
• "Can we do the evil ride of fun doom??"
• "Gamma!  Gamma!  Skeary!  Skeary"
• "I am the EVIL Teacher of Doom!"
• "That last movie was a movie the whole FAMILY can enjoy Gramma!" (finger in the air talking about movie previews before watching Land Before Time)
• To the kids:  "What kinds of things do people do in the bathroom?" Answer "Shave your butt?"
• "Sneizures!" (when someone sneezes 3 or more times in a row)
• "Gramma said 'is she crying? is she screaming? is she blushing blood?'"
• "Your eyes are still open.... I can hear them." (Medium playing in the background)
• "Look at this mysterious ball!" (tiny bouncy ball that looks like a soccer ball)
• People who cuss during sleep have "Sleep tourette's"

I challenge you to listen to what is going on around you and to post those things that you normally don't hear in every day conversation.  You just might discover that you live in a house of weirdos.

The 10 worst song lyrics EVER!! (part 2)

Click here if you missed the first half of The 10 Worst Song Lyrics Ever before continuing with this post. Then for the rest of you.....

Since you've all been so eagerly awaiting the final five songs in this list, I'll just jump right in with...

5. The Girl is Mine - Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson: It is painful for me to trash Paul because I grew up loving the Beatles and a few of Wings' tunes as well. Unfortunately, in this case, Paul deserves it. I don't mind trashing Jacko at all however. This song, while no longer receiving much airplay, still makes me feel ill. Check out this bit of amazingness: "The girl is mine, the doggone girl is mine. I know she's mine, because the doggone girl is mine." That's some deep stuff right there. Especially the 2nd sentence. I know she's mine because... umm... because she's mine doggone it. Well, you really told him!
There has been one occasion on which I enjoyed this song. Thank you Stephen Colbert and John Legend! Check out the vid below. It'll rock your world.


Stephen Colbert - The Girl Is Mine from nicole on Vimeo.

4. Ass Like That - Eminem: Now when it comes to music I hate, Eminem is right up there at the top. I'm truly not a fan of rap and/or hip hop, (in fact I barely consider rap to be music) but I know there are plenty of people out there who like it. Good for them. Enjoy. Just turn it down when I pull up next to you at a stoplight, okay? I promise not to play Barry Manilow so loud that your teeth rattle if you'll do the same for me with Fitty Cent. Deal? Anyway, back to Eminem. I cannot stand the little punk. What a jackass. But that's beside the point. His music sucks too. Check out this gem. It sounds like something a 7th grader might write. "The way you shake it, I can't believe it. I ain't never seen a ass like that.The way you move it, you make my pee-pee go da-doing doing doing." I take it back. It sounds more like a 5th grader.

3. Firework - Katy Perry: A lot of songs don't bother me at first. Then once I've heard one of them 25,000 times, it starts to get on my nerves. Especially when it has annoying lyrics like this one. What's even worse for me is that it is the theme for a movie on our pay per view and my daughter leaves the channel on the tv all the damn time. So now, if I don't take the time to go mute the tv, I get to hear the chorus of this song around every five minutes or so. UGH! So thanks Katy. You're great. "Cause baby you're a firework, come on show em what you're worth. Make em go oh oh oh as you shoot across the sky." Don't you just feel so pumped up?

2. The Thong Song - Sisqo: This was another of my children's favorite songs when they were little. I don't really want to talk about it. "She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck. Thighs like what, what, what? Baby move your butt, butt, butt. Uh, I think to sing it again. She had dumps like a truck...." Boy am I glad that's over.

1. I Gotta Feeling - Black-Eyed Peas: I'm not sure if this will stay at the top of my list forever, but for right now, I'd rather hear any song ever in the top 40 over this POS. I know, plenty of people love it. It's easy to dance to, Mrs. Snarky likes to clean house with it on, and "It's just a fun song," as someone once told me. No. It isn't. Every time you listen to it, your IQ drops a few points, and can only be brought back up by learning some new piece of trivia about the country of Kyrgyzstan. There are so many horrible moments to this song, I barely know where to begin. How about the part when they sing all seven days of the week in order? Maybe the fact that they say "tonight's gonna be a good night" around 300 times. But no, the thing that really gets me is this... "Let's do it and do it and do it do it do it. And do it and do it and do it do it do it." And again and again and again. OMG I HATE THAT SONG!
~~~
Mrs. Snarky was informed that it was nearly impossible to comment on the earlier posts. This situation has been remedied. So I'll end with a request. Comment this post with some of your most hated song lyrics. I know I skipped some good ones. Tell me why you disagree with some of mine. Anything. I want to hear from you. Thanks for reading.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE,

Mr. Snarky.

Kids are just GROSS!

I'm preempting this blog message to tell you that children are absolutely disgusting and gross.  Not only do they wipe boogers everywhere or just plain let them run down their faces, but they do horribly rude things like THIS...

Our 1 1/2 year old granddaughter just walked into the room with a handful of noodles she was squishing between her fingers (yes, we just had dinner.)  When she tried to hand the mush to me, I told her to go back to the kitchen and throw it away.  A minute or so later she came into the room and held her hands out for me to pick her up, hands still covered in all kinds of mush.  I sent her back to the kitchen to get her hands washed before I would pick her up only to have her show back up 30 seconds later with a papertowel asking for help.  I obliged and washed her hands off while her telling her what a good girl she was and then picked her up to hold her on my lap.  As she sat facing me, I gave her a drink of water while gushing about what a good and awesome little girl she was. She leaned in to give me what I thought was a kiss and proceeded to spit her water with chucks of chicken and noodles INTO my freaking mouth.  How does one spell out a heaving sound????? uuuuuuuwuuuah uuuuuuuuwuuuuah uuuuuuuwuah!!!! 

That will have to do.

I retaliated by taking the obnoxiously LOOOONG wig from "Tangled" and shoving it between her diapered butt and her pants allowing most of it to dangle on the floor like an overgrown horse tail.  I thought it was cute and that she would probably hate it and complain.  Pffffft No chance of that.  She thought it was awesome and that her Grandmother Snarky was cool for even thinking of it.  The next 1/2 hour was spent watching her "shake her booty" and having to "fick it" for her whenever the wig started to slip out.  So not fair.  She's having fun and I'm spitting goop out of my mouth.  I really need to refine my means of torture!

Mrs. Snarky

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The 10 Worst Song Lyrics EVER!!

The 10 worst song lyrics EVER!!

         
I have a coworker that likes a whole lot of music that I can't stand. Usually, in the morning, we listen to her station and in the afternoon, mine. Also in the morning, I rip on her songs, and as you've probably guessed by now, she rips mine in the afternoon. It's nothing personal; we just have different tastes in music. I have good taste, and she has bad. Over time, we've each come to like a little of the other's music, but not too much. The thing is, she likes music you can dance to.... lyrics don't matter. To me, lyrics are the most important part of the song. If the lyrics suck, or are too repetitive, I don't like the song. Please don't get too upset if I hate on a song that you love. Truthfully, musical taste is completely subjective just like food. If you love a certain food that I hate, it won't mean that I think you're gross. Except for if you love beets...then you are extremely gross. Isn't that right Mrs. Snarky? Anyway, here are ten songs that I think could've used a little bit more time with a good lyricist.

10. KISS - Rock and Roll All Night: What is with my generation and Kiss? They had VERY little talent and a good stage show. As far as I'm concerned, they put on the show to cover up for their lousy songs. Consider this gem... "You keep on shoutin' You keep on shoutin! I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day. I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day"... over and over again ad infinitum. The song ends with the repetition of this pearl of wisdom not 4... not 5... not even 6. No. It was such a great line, they repeated it 9 times.

9. Lady Gaga - I could pick a few... but I'll go with Bad Romance: Okay... she's got some talent... but so did Pavarotti. I didn't like listening to him sing either. Gaga probably has the best gimmick in music since... KISS. Anyway, I'm not sure how she came up with this but here goes. "Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!" And she darn well means that too. So much so that she repeats it about 4 or 5 times.

8. Aqua - Barbie Girl : This is without a doubt, one of the worst songs to get stuck in your head. I was a fairly young dad when this came out and my little daughter asked for it for Christmas or her birthday or something. Little did I know then that buying an 8 year old a cd meant that she would listen to one song from it around 10 times a day. UGH! Makes me shiver just thinking about it. "I'm a Barbie Girl in a Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic."

7. Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger: There are a few Maroon 5 songs that I actually like. This is NOT one of them. Adam Levine's voice going up and down the music scale might be impressive... in fact I'd probably sprain my vocal chords just trying it. That's right, I said sprain... because strain wouldn't begin to describe it. That still doesn't mean I want to hear him do it. And once again, to pick on my co-worker, she loves this song... so I asked her who Jagger is. No idea. Didn't really know the Stones either. So now, when the Stones come on my station, I point it out every time. To be fair, she is just a kid, and probably looks at me like an old man... but still, the Rolling Stones? "With the moves like Jagger, I got the moves like Jagger, I got the moo ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ves like Jagger." Stunning.

6. The Police - De Do Do Do, De Dah Dah Dah: "Is all I want to say to you. De do do do, de dah dah dah, They're meaningless and all that's true." Sheer brilliance.

Well, this took longer than expected. Let's call that part 1. To be continued.... expect pt. 2 Saturday or Sunday.

Love, Mr.Snarky

Rebuttal

Before this goes any further, NO I DO NOT SLEEP ALL THE TIME. The problem is, Mrs. Snarky NEVER sleeps when she is supposed to be tired. Last night, there I was dreaming of better ways to make fun of people without them even realizing it, when out of nowhere, the damned laptop screen is shining on my face. I heard  the tapping of the keys, so I opened one eye and looked over and asked the Mrs. if she was EVER going to sleep. She is ALL kinds of excited and tells me that she got us signed up to do the blog and we have twitter and email and blah blah blah blah blah. Well, when she gets going, let me tell you, she REALLY gets going. Doesn’t matter that it’s after 2 am. Doesn’t matter that I have to get up to get an MRI done in the morning. So I’m awake then.

After a couple of hours of this, lights are off. I’m staring at the ceiling. It’s flickering different colors because of some damned TV show she’s snoring to on Netflix. My mind starts rolling like it can only do at 4 in the morning. I start thinking of posts I want to write, things that we can do to get more people snarkified; that kind of thing. I come up with what I think is a great idea for a post. It’s the 10 songs with the worst lyrics ever written, which I will post tomorrow. One thing leads to another and in my head is one of my all-time favorite shitty songs.  Someone needs to come up with a notation that shows sarcasm… can you help me out with this? Let me just say that nothing beats hearing a crappy, repetitive song rattling through your brain at 5 o’clock in the fucking morning when you have to get up in a few hours. So yeah, I took a nap! Sue me!

All my love, Mr. Snarky    

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