Why Does it Always Have to be About Hair?

    On a short car ride with Mrs. Snarky and one of the Little Snarkys, (Ezra, who is 5 and will start kindergarten in the fall) Mrs. Snarky asked the little guy to tell me about decades, something he had just learned about from a YouTube video. Some of his facts were quite amazing to me, like for instance, did you know that in the 20's, everything was in black and white? Just about every kid thinks that, but it's always funny to hear one say it out loud.

Also, all cops were stupid, and everyone had a mustache... even the women.

    "What other decade do you know about?"

    "The 80's. That decade was AWESOME!"

    "What was so great about the 80's, buddy?" I asked, hoping to keep him talking.

    He then said something I couldn't understand, but finished strong with, "And people had amazing hair in the 80's."

Yes. Yes they did.

Well, some of them did.

     "Do you know any other decades?"

    "Yes. The 70's. It was all about peace and love and flowers. Oh and people didn't take showers."

I can almost smell them from here, over 40 years later.

     The ride was over and we got to his house, and as we went in, he showed me his "Time Machine" for traveling to all the different decades. I then asked him if he wanted to see his Grampa's hair from the 80's. He was excited... and then...

"That's not a good look for you. I don't like it." OUCH!

    I think he was hoping I'd have a mullet or something. Anyway I showed him my 7th grade pic and he was more impressed by that one. To tell you the truth, so am I. I'm hoping he gets his time machine to work. If he does, I'm not going to do anything special for mankind like try to kill Hitler early or stop the Kennedy assassination. That sounds WAY too hard. No, I'm just going back to 1986 and getting in on the Microsoft initial public offering at 21 bucks a share. 10 grand invested back then would now be worth about 3.5 million. I'll take it. I'll also be going back to 1983 and making that guy with the 'fro get himself a haircut.

Catch you tomorrow,

Love, 

 

 P.S. Be sure to check out past articles you may have missed. Just click on the dates under the "Crap we've written" tab along the right side of the blog. Buh Bye!!

I love my job... sometimes

I am writing this post as a public service to cashiers everywhere. I am not a cashier, but it is a fairly large part of my job. Glamorous I know. Cashiers have always held a special place in my heart. They work hard, stand on their feet all day, make crappy money, work crappy hours, and worst of all, they have to deal with the public constantly while trying to keep a smile on their face. Don't get me wrong; for the most part, I enjoy dealing with the public. There are just certain things about it that make me crazy.

DO NOT TALK ON YOUR CELLPHONE WHILE IN LINE... EVER!!! I mean it! Yesterday, a woman in line at the register was talking to her friend. She was at the front of the line and we couldn't help her without talking to her first. Her conversation, two decibels higher than a normal speaking voice, went something like this: "Yeah, I'm at the pharmacy right now. Uh huh. Well, I'm picking something up. No, at the drugstore. Yeah. I probably should go because I'm at the drugstore getting something for Charlie. Uh huh. Yeah." It went on like that for 2 or 3 minutes. Incredibly engaging conversation that couldn't possibly wait until AFTER picking up Charlie's meds, right? Hang up the damned phone lady! Even if you're just picking up a bottled water or something, talking on the phone says to the clerk that they mean absolutely nothing to you. Please, please don't do it.

Do not lick your finger when you are taking out your money or checkbook or debit card. This is especially true when you are at the pharmacy picking up antibiotics. It may sound silly, but people do it all the time... especially people over 50. I often want to stick out my hand and ask them if they'd like to spit on it, because in effect, that is what they've done. Instead, I grab the hand sanitizer, set it on the counter, and douse my hand right in front of them before taking the money to see if they get the hint. From what I can tell, none of them ever have.

If you want to make conversation, great. Just remember that this cashier has heard many of the same lines over and over and over all day every day. I'm not being clear here, so let me give you some examples. Yes, those of us who have to make you sign in the box know that it looks nothing like your signature. We don't give a rip. If an item you are trying to purchase has no price sticker or won't scan, IT ISN'T FREE! The teller at your bank who laughs when you stick her up by pretending your finger is a gun... thinks you are an idiot. And when she asks you how you want your 200 dollars, cash is NOT the answer she's looking for. The guy at the gas station knows that gas prices are really high. It's not his fault. When I worked at a different drug store that had a preferred customer card, the cashiers were required to tell them how much they saved by using the card. Me, "You saved 93 cents with your card." Them, "93 cents is 93 cents, hahaha" Me, "Really? I thought it was 92 cents. But actually, in 1953 dollars, 93 cents is 17 cents. And in Canada, 93 cents is more like 80 cents. But thanks for sharing." Okay, so I never said the last sentence. Instead I just tried not to make faces at them as they left. "Have a nice day!" Then under my breath, "MORON!"

Lastly, do not ever just throw your wadded up money on the counter. I can't speak for every cashier, but when I tell you the total and you flop money out there like that, it brings to mind just one word. Asshole!

Remember that cashiers, while not having the most exciting job in the world, are people. They HATE when you treat them like dirt or like they are invisible. When you have to wait in line, it's usually not their fault. They don't like it either. They've been standing there all day; you've only had to stand there for 5 minutes. They have a list of things they are supposed to be getting done when it's not busy and the crowd you see in front of you in line means that they can't do it and the manager doesn't care whether it's too busy. He only sees that the list hasn't been completed. So remember, the guy who takes your money might just be going to school to try to improve himself; the girl who runs your debit card might be a single mommy just trying to survive. Give 'em a break, would you? I'd appreciate it.

Hope this didn't make you mad because... I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

But if it did make you mad.... PFFFFFFFTTTT! Mr. Snarky

Superheroes... almost

   
My favorite 3 year old boy LOVES superheroes. He has DVDs, puzzles, outfits, coloring books and action figures. He has introduced me to several superheroes and villains that I had no idea existed. This led me to a thought; if there are that many superheroes, surely there were some who were "left on the drawing board"  After a little research, I discovered these never before released Superheroes who never made it.

The Mosquito, AKA Buzz Miller: When Buzz discovered the ability to turn into a mosquito, he was determined to help New York City police in solving crimes. Unfortunately, two days later, while making a deposit at his credit union, armed robbers arrived. Never having had the time to determine what good could come of his power, he decided to give it a shot anyway. He transformed, bit the first robber he could find, and was promptly slapped, ending his career before it had a chance. Rest In Peace Buzz.

Mr Toilet, AKA Louis Commode: Loo, as he is known by his friends, is a mild mannered janitor working for a defense contractor. When he has his sights set on an evildoer, he goes into a stall, and quickly transforms himself into Mr. Toilet. When the unsuspecting bad guy sits down, Mr. Toilet swallows him whole. His sometime assistant, Dr. Ex-lax, occasionally helps him on a really hard case.

Sgt. Racker: Racker is a retired Marine drill Sargent. He has no super power. If someone is doing something wrong, he kicks them right in the nuts. That's all.

Skunkman, AKA Mal Oder: Mal works as a file clerk for a Washington lobbyist. He seeks out government corruption and when he finds it, he sprays it down, leaving the offender with a foul smell that can only be removed with a bath in tomato juice.

The Human Tornado, AKA Billy Ray Gibson: Billy Ray is the maintenance man at a trailer park in Mississippi. After a nasty incident involving a stolen 6 pack of Old Milwaukee, the residents of the park learned to NEVER EVER piss Billy Ray off again.

Papa Razzi: Papa lives in LA. The biggest crime he has foiled was at a convenience store. He took so many pictures of the perpetrator, the man was blinded and unable to drive the getaway car and the authorities arrived in time to confiscate the stolen red bulls and beef jerky.

Soup or Man, AKA Pierre Bouilliabaisse: He tried fighting crime, but it didn't work out very well. Peter's super power was, unfortunately, the ability to turn himself into a bowl of soup. The criminals either laughed at him, or took a few bites. His biggest success came when his arch nemesis, Jimmy the Jaywalker took a big bite and forgot to blow on the spoon, severely burning his lips.

Rain Man, AKA Chief Winnebago: The chief is the greatest rain dancer the world has ever seen. When crimes are in progress, he does his dance and the evil doers are quickly soaked to the bone. However, he has not yet learned to control the more powerful lightning and his arch rivals know this, always remembering to bring towels and a change of clothes to the crime scenes.

                                          Hope you all have a great week. Love, Mr Snarky

Things Mr. Snarky is thankful for

        A relative of ours posted a request on her blog asking people to name some things they are thankful for. I think she might get more than she bargained for from Mr. Snarky. So anyway, in no particular order (other than the first one being number one which you will definitely understand in a moment) here they come.

1. I am not dead. I like this a whole lot. I prefer me in my state of not-deadness, which is very much different than undead. I wouldn't like that at all I don't think, unless I got to star in a movie about it with Simon Pegg. That might be cool. If you're reading this, I'm pretty sure you like the fact that I'm not dead as well, but who can be certain about these things.

The Rest

I'm very thankful that I'm not talking to that one guy who never stops talking. You know the one. You think he's done and you try to walk away but he keeps following you and never stops talking even when you say something really obnoxious and he still doesn't pick up on it because that guy never listens anyway... all he ever thinks about is himself and you can try to change the subject and he just keeps going on and on and on. Yeah. That guy. Or the guy who smells bad.

I'm thankful for blog posts asking me what I'm thankful for.  Really. It made me write this. Otherwise I would probably be sleeping right now and who needs that. Maybe I would be sitting here playing plants vs zombies or some other time waster until I got tired.

I am so thankful that I've never fallen on a beer bottle when I was naked. That's all I have to say about that.

I'm thankful that I'm me and not you. No one else gets to be me and that's good. Because I'm better than you. At something anyway. Not sure what. Maybe I'll figure it out when I grow up. (I'm in my 40's)

I'm thankful that I'm not that guy who smells bad.

And beer. I like beer.

I'm thankful that not every song on the radio is by Katie Perry. Cuz that would suck.

I'm thankful for Mrs. Snarky. She laughs at all my attempts at humour; even the ones that aren't funny.

I'm thankful for the British spellings of the words "Humour and Colour" (okay, if she laughs at that, I'll know she's faking cuz it's just not funny)

I'm thankful that the Yankees did not win the World Series this year. They just do that FAR too often.

And finally, I'm thankful for a good book and a warm fire on a cold night; the love of a family member; my good friends; having food to eat and a place to sleep; a good conversation over a cup of coffee; the feeling of a job well done when you've helped someone overcome a problem in their life that they've been working at for years and had no success... or some other crap like that. Oh hell... let's be real. Post-Its... yeah! I'm WAY thankful for Post-Its.

I am also thankful for YOU, dear reader.  With Love, Mister Snarky

Things You Don't Hear Every Day

Uhhhhhhhh...... what?

Sitting in our kitchen is entertaining.  The kitchen may be small... the booth we sit in is a tight fit for 4 people... the walk space is continually clogged up... But the kitchen is the hub of the house.  It is surrounded by a full and active living room and a hallway leading to the bedrooms and bathroom.  Because of that, you can hear pretty much anything going on in the house just sitting at the kitchen table.  Here are some things I recently overheard:

• "The Evil Ride of doom is over!"
• "Can we do an evil ride of jumpy squids?"
• "Can we do the evil ride of fun doom??"
• "Gamma!  Gamma!  Skeary!  Skeary"
• "I am the EVIL Teacher of Doom!"
• "That last movie was a movie the whole FAMILY can enjoy Gramma!" (finger in the air talking about movie previews before watching Land Before Time)
• To the kids:  "What kinds of things do people do in the bathroom?" Answer "Shave your butt?"
• "Sneizures!" (when someone sneezes 3 or more times in a row)
• "Gramma said 'is she crying? is she screaming? is she blushing blood?'"
• "Your eyes are still open.... I can hear them." (Medium playing in the background)
• "Look at this mysterious ball!" (tiny bouncy ball that looks like a soccer ball)
• People who cuss during sleep have "Sleep tourette's"

I challenge you to listen to what is going on around you and to post those things that you normally don't hear in every day conversation.  You just might discover that you live in a house of weirdos.

The Meet Cute

"A meet cute is a convention of romantic comedies in which two potential romantic partners meet in a contrived way in unusual or comic circumstances. A staple of the romantic genre, the technique creates an artificial situation contrived by the filmmakers in order to bring together characters in an entertaining manner. Frequently the "meet cute" leads to a humorous clash of personalities or beliefs, embarrassing situations, or comical misunderstandings that further drive the plot." -- Wikipedia


Welcome to our Snarky blog.  We seriously hope that what you find here is a place to laugh and have fun.  We are a husband and wife team who enjoys laughter above all else.  Well, that and excellent spelling and grammar.  And new socks.  Oh, and great coffee.  Movies as well.  We like those.  And music.  READING!  We love reading.  We also like to bitch, moan, encourage, eat and smoke.  Well, the smoking we're quitting, but we won't quit eating no matter what the surgeon general says!!!!  Sometimes there's beer involved.  At least for Mr. Snarky.  Mrs. Snarky hates turning bright red and lying flat due to alcohol induced migraines.  


If any of this sounds fun (other than the migraines and the smoking, because we do NOT endorse smoking even though we do it) then you, dear reader, have come to the right blog!!!  


We are hard at work (Mr. Snarky is sleeping, Mrs. Snarky is hard at work) at creating a crapload of posts to put up for your reading enjoyment.  We hope you find reasons to stop in often to read our ramblings!

Mrs. Snarky