Wednesday, January 2, 2013

His name is Geoffrey Holder...

...and because of him, Mr. Snarky feels kind of inadequate today. No, that's not quite the right word. An underachiever? Getting closer. Let me explain and you'll get the idea. Last night, when Mrs. Snarky went to the store, I asked her to get me some 7up. Not a regular request for me, in fact I don't think I've had one for a few years, but whatever. I was in the mood. When she came back, the old Uncola commercial popped into my head. Some of my readers will be old enough to remember this I think. 

"And they paid me to do this! HA HA HA HA!"

Mr. Snarky has an interesting skill... well, it's interesting to me anyway. I am very good at voice recognition. I shall tell a little story to illustrate. In my 20's, I was often invited to bachelor parties. Sometimes, believe it or not, those parties had strippers. At one such party, my friend and I were sitting in the living room at the apartment it was held in, while the stripper was talking to her escort out of sight in the kitchen. I heard her voice and said to my friend sitting next to me, "That's the same stripper from Jimmy's party two years ago." He told me I was full of it. It couldn't be. When she walked into the living room my friend's jaw dropped. Actually, so did mine because I was amazed at my previously undiscovered skill. Now you may not believe me, or perhaps have determined in your mind that the stripper must have had a distinct voice or speech impediment or something of that nature, but I assure you, it is true, and she had a normal voice with no accent other than the Chicago nasal twang that nearly everyone in the apartment had. I've proven my skill in this many times to Mrs. Snarky who, while slightly impressed by it, does not believe as I do, that one day, this talent will bring me untold riches. I just haven't figured out how it will happen but... IT WILL HAPPEN!!! 

As the Uncola guy's voice went ringing through my head, it quickly occurred to me that this was the same voice as the narrator in...

Long video I know, but skip to around 4:00 and listen to that voice

Obviously the same guy when you hear them one after the other, but remember, the two videos are 30 years apart or so. Being of the Google generation, I had to look it up and prove myself correct, which I was. I then went to his IMDB  page... I'm Geoffrey Holder and look at all the shit I've done. and his Wikipedia entry What have you done in YOUR life? If you don't want to click, here is the start of his Wikipedia page: Geoffrey Richard Holder (born 1 August 1930) is a Trinidadian actorchoreographerdirectordancerpainter,costume designersinger and voice-over artist They forgot to add author to that list. Some of you might be familiar with the man as a contestant on Celebrity apprentice last year, but Mr. Snarky doesn't watch that show. His eyes prefer not to look at Donald Trump, and watching that show would make his goal of never looking at "The Donald" again... impossible/unreachable. Mr. Snarky prefers reachable goals. But Mr. Holder (his middle name is Richard... do you think anyone ever called him Dick Holder? Just wondering) has made Mr. Snarky's simple goals seem... well... just that. Simple. He holds 2 Tony awards, ran his own dance troupe, studied art at the Guggenheim, was a renowned choreographer and has authored 2 books. And what does Mr. Snarky know of him? Yeah... he did a television commercial in the 70's and a voice over for a remake of a Roald Dahl kids book turned movie. Well, what have you done in your life Mr. Snarky, you might ask? Thanks. Yeah. I've written a kids book (not published) a novel (not published) and have been planning a silly little e-book for around a year. I write a blog now and then, I watch Dexter and Supernatural, a lot of sports and play Wii sports ping pong. 

I really hate that Lucia. Bitch beats me every time!

So thanks a lot "Dick Holder." You have made me feel a little worthless today. Also made me feel like I have a ton of work to do and that maybe I should stop screwing around all the time and get to work. Yeah. That's what I'll do. Right after I get done beating Lucia at a game of Ping Pong.

Happy New Year!! 
With Love,
Mr. Snarky