Monday, January 30, 2012

Invading South America... and ...The "Big Game"

South America, YOU ARE MINE!!! Last week, I lamented the fact that South America was the least Snarky continent on the planet. Readers were getting their Snark on from all over the globe.... just not there. Well, thanks to some help from a loyal reader, I have brought Snarkiness to one of the lands to the south, (does the continent have a good nickname? Australia and the rest of Oceania is down under, Africa is the dark continent, what the heck is South America?) and the entirety of the continent shall soon fall under my spell. In all 12 countries of South America, people will be learning to say "Snarky" in Spanish and Portuguese and asking each other questions like, "Why do we say a pair of underwear?" Then their friend will say, "Yeah, really. But a bra... is just one. Es mui loco," or some such Spanish stuff. Seriously though, why do we say I'm going to put on some shorts and a t-shirt, and then come back with just one of each? I've never understood that. But if you said, "I'm putting on a short and some t-shirts, people would look at you as if you really were mui loco. Anyway, I digress. To the person in the country of Chile... I salute you for your bravery. To the rest of the continent, c'mon! Check it out! And to Collie, as promised, a free lifetime subscription to the Snarky Couple and my undying gratitude for getting things started down there.

Now, on to part 2. The Big Game. The Snarky Couple is not affiliated with the NFL or any of its franchises and therefore cannot use the phrase Super Bowl without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League. Except for in the preceding sentence. Yeah.

Every year at this time, I get tired of people being unable to use Super Bowl (oops) in their advertising unless they are one of the official sponsors. Joe's bar and grill has to say "Big Game Party." That is until the elephants, tigers and lions in the jungles of Africa sue for the exclusive rights to be called "Big Game" and then the NFL will come up with some other phrase that is acceptable such as, "The Extremely Monumental Annual American Football Classic" or some such nonsense. I'm seriously tired of it. But if I were an ad exec, here's what I'd do. I'd cheat. I'll show you what I mean. Here is my "Screw the NFL" TV and Radio ad campaign.

1. Chunky Soup: A couple is chatting and all of a sudden the man looks at his watch and says, "It's time for the big game honey. I think this one is going to be Super." The wife immediately says, "Bowl of Chunky Soup dear?"

2. Great Clips: Announcer: This week and this week only we are offering our incredible "Super Bowl-Cut" for just 9.95!"

3. Target: A little girl is walking around trying to bounce her ball and it just isn't bouncing very high. She walks up to her dad and says,"Can I get a new Super Ball Sunday Daddy?" Announcer: "For all your Super Ball needs, and much much more, get to Target."

4. Beef: A woman is standing on the porch of her farm house ringing a bell. All the farm hands come running in to the kitchen. She is serving steak. Announcer: When you're ringing your supper bell Sunday, be sure they leave it all out on the field. Beef, it's what's for dinner.

5. Tupperware: Announcer: "Kids. They're just plain messy. But after years of development, tupperware has finally come up with a mess free way for your kids to eat cereal. We call it "The Sipper Bowl"

and finally...

6. FOX network: Announcer: "You've seen him appear as a comedian, on game shows, and on the Tonight Show. Now, comedian Soupy Sales takes on his biggest challenge ever. On February 1st, Mr. Sales heads to the lanes. Don't miss "Soupy Bowls Sunday!"

It probably would be his greatest challenge ever since Soupy is deceased, but Whoopi Bowls Sunday just didn't work.

Hope everyone has a Happy Big Game Day!

Love, Mr. Snarky