Thursday, November 3, 2011

Things Mr. Snarky is thankful for

        A relative of ours posted a request on her blog asking people to name some things they are thankful for. I think she might get more than she bargained for from Mr. Snarky. So anyway, in no particular order (other than the first one being number one which you will definitely understand in a moment) here they come.

1. I am not dead. I like this a whole lot. I prefer me in my state of not-deadness, which is very much different than undead. I wouldn't like that at all I don't think, unless I got to star in a movie about it with Simon Pegg. That might be cool. If you're reading this, I'm pretty sure you like the fact that I'm not dead as well, but who can be certain about these things.

The Rest

I'm very thankful that I'm not talking to that one guy who never stops talking. You know the one. You think he's done and you try to walk away but he keeps following you and never stops talking even when you say something really obnoxious and he still doesn't pick up on it because that guy never listens anyway... all he ever thinks about is himself and you can try to change the subject and he just keeps going on and on and on. Yeah. That guy. Or the guy who smells bad.

I'm thankful for blog posts asking me what I'm thankful for Really. It made me write this. Otherwise I would probably be sleeping right now and who needs that. Maybe I would be sitting here playing plants vs zombies or some other time waster until I got tired.

I am so thankful that I've never fallen on a beer bottle when I was naked. That's all I have to say about that.

I'm thankful that I'm me and not you. No one else gets to be me and that's good. Because I'm better than you. At something anyway. Not sure what. Maybe I'll figure it out when I grow up. (I'm in my 40's)

I'm thankful that I'm not that guy who smells bad.

And beer. I like beer.

I'm thankful that not every song on the radio is by Katie Perry. Cuz that would suck.

I'm thankful for Mrs. Snarky. She laughs at all my attempts at humour; even the ones that aren't funny.

I'm thankful for the British spellings of the words "Humour and Colour" (okay, if she laughs at that, I'll know she's faking cuz it's just not funny)

I'm thankful that the Yankees did not win the World Series this year. They just do that FAR too often.

And finally, I'm thankful for a good book and a warm fire on a cold night; the love of a family member; my good friends; having food to eat and a place to sleep; a good conversation over a cup of coffee; the feeling of a job well done when you've helped someone overcome a problem in their life that they've been working at for years and had no success... or some other crap like that. Oh hell... let's be real. Post-Its... yeah! I'm WAY thankful for Post-Its.

I am also thankful for YOU, dear reader.  With Love, Mister Snarky

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Stupid people are just... well... stupid.

How many times can a person apologize for doing the same thing over again before it becomes apparent that they aren't really sorry and they just don't give a damn? This morning, I called the dentist's office for Mrs. Snarky and the receptionist there, who has known us for three or four years now, mispronounced my name. Again. Now, as you may have gathered, our last name isn't really Snarky... but it's not all that hard to pronounce. 5 letters. That's it. And it rhymes with every other English word that is spelled with the same last 4 letters. There aren't all that many words you can rhyme it with, but they are out there. WTF is soo damn hard about changing 1 letter? It's always pissed me off since back in the day when you would get calls from salesmen at dinnertime on the house phone and had to answer because caller ID hadn't been invented yet. Those guys ALWAYS screwed it up too. This is worse. I have corrected this person at least 15 times. Yet every time I talk to her, she screws it up again... and apologizes again. It tells me that either: 1. She really doesn't give a damn about me and whether or not I come to that dentist or, 2. she is as dumb as a box of rocks. The Mrs. and I LOVE our dentist. She is a sweet woman who always comes across as being genuinely concerned about you and your family, and she makes every effort to ensure that you are as comfortable as possible as she rips your mouth to shreds. Oh... she also pronounces your fucking name properly.

I felt like making the receptionist repeat my name correctly over and over again this morning. Thought that maybe if I yelled something like "MY NAME IS SNARKY, NOT SNARE KEY!" 7 or 8 times, the next time she called, the idiot would remember how to say it. She'd definitely remember ME. But I didn't. I saved my snarkiness for later, bitching about her in my mind while I was in the shower. I'm thinking of not paying the bill. When she calls me to ask for payment, I'll tell her that if she can pronounce my name right the first time, I will send the check right then and there. If not, call again next week and give it another shot. Dumbass!

But not you guys. You're great. No really, you are.    
                                          Mr. Snarky

Monday, October 31, 2011

I Have a Vagina, How 'Bout You?

        A week or so ago I ended up breaking in to song.  This is not an unusual thing for me to do.  In fact, I really enjoy belting out a tune Opera style.   "I have a vagina, how 'bout you??"  Yep, thems the words.  Catchy isn't it.  It's great fun to sing with others as well.  Especially my three year old grandson. That boy is one of the funniest kids on the planet I tell you!  He knows he doesn't have a vagina, but he doesn't pass up a catchy tune, no matter WHAT the words are.  Obviously.

I was sitting in the kitchen with my sister tonight when said three year old started singing the winsome words in the living room.  "We all have vaginas, how 'bout you?" Well, there were 4 adults nearby and we all started cracking up.  Then, we sang along.   And yes, we all have vaginas, how 'bout you???

Our almost 2 year old granddaughter joined in the musical by singing "Nigh Night fagina."  She can't say V's.  Probably a good thing for now.

Mrs. Snarky