Thursday, December 15, 2011

A Christmas Story?

A smiling mother plays Guitar Hero while her husband and son anxiously watch. The screen shows "Mom's Gift" as the song title. Slowly, recognition dawns on mom's face as she begins to recognize the song as the Lexus commercial jingle. "Does that mean what I think it means?" she asks. The excitement builds as they rush out to the driveway to see her shiny new Lexus with a bright red bow on top. They begin living happily ever after as the announcer tells us how we can all make it a December to remember... by buying our loved one a car for Christmas.


Seriously. Do you know anyone who can afford to spend 30 or 40 grand on a Christmas present? I personally know 1 or 2, but I'm pretty darned sure that they won't. What the hell is up with these commercials? To me, it seems like they want those of us who buy our wives a new robe or even a nice necklace to feel lousy that we can't afford to lavish extreme gifts upon our loved ones. This commercial makes the ones for 4000 dollar diamond rings seem cheap... and I can't afford one of those right now either. What a loser I must be.


Sunday night, when Mrs. Snarky came home from her mother's (a trip she allowed me to skip since it was on my only day off of work and I was feeling pretty tired... thanks honey) I told her that after having watched football games, and the commercials that go along with them, that I'd been convinced that if I really truly loved her, I'd buy her diamonds for Christmas and if she loved me, she'd get me a Lexus. Well, you know what that is?


No more swearing. Sorry. Seriously though, I am sick and tired of TV and radio trying to make us all into consuming monsters. Gotta have the I-phone... no wait, there's a new droid out that's better. Oh yeah? Well I-phone 17 is out and it's WAY better than I-phone 16 which is "SO thirty seconds ago!" That phone runs at 17 thousand G , whatever the hell that means. And you gotta have a TV big enough that if you keep your curtains open during Wheel of Fortune, the neighbor sitting on her front porch across the street can solve the Bonus Round puzzle. Well you know what that is?

That's right. It is. And this year, I don't even care that my neighbor has a bigger TV and a nicer house and car and better stuff than I do. Want to know why? I'll tell you. Because I have the coolest, snarkiest, funniest, nicest, best family in the whole world.

Lots of Christmas love! God Bless us every one!

Mr. Snarky

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Feliz Navidad...

... Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad. Prospero ano y Felicidad. (Repeat)
I Wanna wish you a Merry Christmas. I Wanna wish you a Merry Christmas. I Wanna wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart. Feliz Navidad.....


The phrase "Feliz Navidad" is repeated 18 times in this "classic." 18! Approximately 400 radio stations play nothing but Christmas music from 2 to 3 weeks before Thanksgiving until December 26th. Let's say for argument's sake, on average, these stations play this song every 2 hours. That equals 216,000 Feliz Navidads over the course of the elongated holiday season. Last year, I'm pretty sure I heard him say it 50,000 times myself. Today, I heard it on a commercial, and yesterday, some lady was singing it when she pulled into the drive through at the pharmacy. I just have one thing to say. Jose, if you really wanna wish us a Merry Christmas, will you just do it already and stop singing about it?

Sorry no posts lately. I am just so into the holiday spirit that it has overwhelmed me. I'll do better next week. Promise. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE,
Mr. Snarky