It's the most wonderful time...

No, not really. Not when I'm forced to listen to the same ten songs over and over all day long. If my count was correct, today I heard the "immortal" Andy Williams 8 times. Two different songs, true, but I can't stand either one of them. Here's a line for you from Happy Holidays/It's the Holiday Season "It's the Holiday Season, so whoop-de-doo, and dickory dock." Nothing says Christmas like whoop-de-doo, right?

Anyway, I made it through the day with no small amount of mumbling and grumbling and now I am home in the "no cheesy Christmas music zone." Hearing these same songs all day made me wonder about some of the lyrics. Maybe someone could explain some of them to me.

More Andy Williams - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: "There'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long long ago!" Now I for one have never ever told or heard a ghost story on Christmas. Is this now, or has it ever been a tradition? And while we're at it, how often have you told tales of Christmas glory? Just wondering.

Bing Crosby/ Johnny Mathis - It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: "Take a look in the 5 and 10, glistening once again." I'm thinking this song needs an update. I do realize that when it was written, everyone knew what a 5 and 10 was. Now? Not so much.

Any number of fine artists - Winter Wonderland: "In the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he is Parson Brown. He'll say are you married we'll say no man, but you can do the job when you're in town." Another song that could use a modern update. If you don't know what a Parson is, you might think that Parson Brown is a guy's name and he's gonna "do the job" of a husband on the girl doing the singing. A bit of a stretch, but still.

Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree: "Everyone dancing merrily in a new old-fashioned way. Does she mean that it's an old-fashioned way but with a new twist? Is it going to be old-fashioned at some point, although it is currently new? Was she just going for some ambiguity along the lines of "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Or, was she just going for something that sounded nice. Did she realize that she didn't even write this dumb song, and that it was a guy named Johnny Marks? I think she probably did. Did I realize this when I started typing, or did I just look it up on Google? Ehhhh... Could be.

And finally, Aaron Neville - Whatever Christmas song the lame radio station we had on today played. I plugged my ears. Does anyone out there actually like Aaron's... ummm... whatayacallem... stylings? You know, that part when his voice twinkles up and down like a pre-pubescent teenager. Yeah, that. Yesterday, a family member told me that he found someone who said she loves Aaron Neville, but I think he made it up. Aaron Neville's mother has told him that he shouldn't sing when he comes over because it upsets her cats. They prefer to listen to Alvin and the Chipmunks.

What could be better than Christmas songs AND Aaron Neville? Let's see... getting a tooth pulled, having a needle stuck in your neck, the Yankees winning the.... umm no. Scratch that last one.

Hope you're "Simply having a Wonderful Christmastime"

Love,

Mr. Snarky 

The 10 worst song lyrics EVER!!

         
I have a coworker that likes a whole lot of music that I can't stand. Usually, in the morning, we listen to her station and in the afternoon, mine. Also in the morning, I rip on her songs, and as you've probably guessed by now, she rips mine in the afternoon. It's nothing personal; we just have different tastes in music. I have good taste, and she has bad. Over time, we've each come to like a little of the other's music, but not too much. The thing is, she likes music you can dance to.... lyrics don't matter. To me, lyrics are the most important part of the song. If the lyrics suck, or are too repetitive, I don't like the song. Please don't get too upset if I hate on a song that you love. Truthfully, musical taste is completely subjective just like food. If you love a certain food that I hate, it won't mean that I think you're gross. Except for if you love beets...then you are extremely gross. Isn't that right Mrs. Snarky? Anyway, here are ten songs that I think could've used a little bit more time with a good lyricist.

10. KISS - Rock and Roll All Night: What is with my generation and Kiss? They had VERY little talent and a good stage show. As far as I'm concerned, they put on the show to cover up for their lousy songs. Consider this gem... "You keep on shoutin' You keep on shoutin! I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day. I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day"... over and over again ad infinitum. The song ends with the repetition of this pearl of wisdom not 4... not 5... not even 6. No. It was such a great line, they repeated it 9 times.

9. Lady Gaga - I could pick a few... but I'll go with Bad Romance: Okay... she's got some talent... but so did Pavarotti. I didn't like listening to him sing either. Gaga probably has the best gimmick in music since... KISS. Anyway, I'm not sure how she came up with this but here goes. "Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!" And she darn well means that too. So much so that she repeats it about 4 or 5 times.

8. Aqua - Barbie Girl : This is without a doubt, one of the worst songs to get stuck in your head. I was a fairly young dad when this came out and my little daughter asked for it for Christmas or her birthday or something. Little did I know then that buying an 8 year old a cd meant that she would listen to one song from it around 10 times a day. UGH! Makes me shiver just thinking about it. "I'm a Barbie Girl in a Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic."

7. Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger: There are a few Maroon 5 songs that I actually like. This is NOT one of them. Adam Levine's voice going up and down the music scale might be impressive... in fact I'd probably sprain my vocal chords just trying it. That's right, I said sprain... because strain wouldn't begin to describe it. That still doesn't mean I want to hear him do it. And once again, to pick on my co-worker, she loves this song... so I asked her who Jagger is. No idea. Didn't really know the Stones either. So now, when the Stones come on my station, I point it out every time. To be fair, she is just a kid, and probably looks at me like an old man... but still, the Rolling Stones? "With the moves like Jagger, I got the moves like Jagger, I got the moo ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ves like Jagger." Stunning.

6. The Police - De Do Do Do, De Dah Dah Dah: "Is all I want to say to you. De do do do, de dah dah dah, They're meaningless and all that's true." Sheer brilliance.

Well, this took longer than expected. Let's call that part 1. To be continued.... expect pt. 2 Saturday or Sunday.

Love, Mr.Snarky