Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Mr. Snarky's new couch/computer/sleeping workout routine.

The other day I was sucking down an Rx Energy drink by Arizona Iced Tea Company. My coworker mentioned that she felt it was too fattening and so she won't drink it anymore. Of course, trying to prove people wrong is one of my favorite pastimes, so I check out the label, which shows around 115 calories. No big deal, right? A closer look revealed that this 23 ounce drink held 3 servings making the total calories 345. Wait a sec. So just under 8 ounces is a serving? Right. I am a BIG drinker, and I don't mean alcohol. On a typical day, I drink a bunch of water in the morning after brushing my teeth, a large coffee, a 40 ounce diet pop (soda if you prefer), one of the cans of Arizona teas, a large milk or water with dinner, and a cup of tea or medium glass of water before bed. Sorry Arizona tea company, 8 ounces is just a bit more than a sip!

Now that you know more about Mr. Snarky's drinking habits than you ever cared to, let me 'splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Not sure exactly how that fits in to the post, I just felt like quoting Inigo Montoya. Anyway, the discussion turned to ways of burning calories. She said she likes to work out on the treadmill three to four hours a week to burn off the junk she sometimes eats. Me, I like to sit on the couch, sit at the computer, or go to sleep, much more than getting on a treadmill. Those things are dangerous anyway. She's probably too young to have ever watched The Jetsons but I've seen first hand what can happen on them.

See what I mean?

I am an average sized, mid-forties male. From what I've seen, most men my age fall into one of three categories. Some are workout freaks who are desperately trying to keep the body they had in their twenties, some are men who don't care about such things and let their bodies go to hell, and the most common, like myself, men who try to keep their bellies a bit smaller than their father had at this age by avoiding the extreme impulse to eat that delicious third donut of the day whenever possible.

So, in an effort to determine if my couch surfing/sleeping workout regimen would suffice for my stated goal of not enlarging my gut, I scoured the internet for calorie burning figures. Actually, I Googled it and looked at a couple of the top results. They were at the top, so they must be good, right? The best part is, did the work for me! It states that according to, a 150 pound person walking on a non-inclined treadmill for one hour at 4 MPH will burn 272 calories. Big deal. says that the same 150 pound person burns 64 calories per hour sleeping. So if we multiply 64 calories by 4 hours of sleep, in other words, take a slightly long nap, you've burned 256 calories, just 16 short of that dangerous treadmill. Now, I don't know about you, but Mr. Snarky could definitely handle 3 workouts of 4-hour naps a week. Throw in the LA Times report that says you burn about 72 calories an hour sitting on the couch... Hell, I can do that all day, especially if baseball, football, basketball, hockey, golf, or Jeopardy is on. I guess I'll just have to sleep 12 hours a day, and sit on the couch for 20 or 30 hours a day, and I'll be losing weight like crazy! AND, I won't have to skip that 3rd donut anymore. Sweet!!!

Save a donut for me! Thanks.
Love, Mr. Snarky.