It's the most wonderful time...

No, not really. Not when I'm forced to listen to the same ten songs over and over all day long. If my count was correct, today I heard the "immortal" Andy Williams 8 times. Two different songs, true, but I can't stand either one of them. Here's a line for you from Happy Holidays/It's the Holiday Season "It's the Holiday Season, so whoop-de-doo, and dickory dock." Nothing says Christmas like whoop-de-doo, right?

Anyway, I made it through the day with no small amount of mumbling and grumbling and now I am home in the "no cheesy Christmas music zone." Hearing these same songs all day made me wonder about some of the lyrics. Maybe someone could explain some of them to me.

More Andy Williams - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: "There'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long long ago!" Now I for one have never ever told or heard a ghost story on Christmas. Is this now, or has it ever been a tradition? And while we're at it, how often have you told tales of Christmas glory? Just wondering.

Bing Crosby/ Johnny Mathis - It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: "Take a look in the 5 and 10, glistening once again." I'm thinking this song needs an update. I do realize that when it was written, everyone knew what a 5 and 10 was. Now? Not so much.

Any number of fine artists - Winter Wonderland: "In the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he is Parson Brown. He'll say are you married we'll say no man, but you can do the job when you're in town." Another song that could use a modern update. If you don't know what a Parson is, you might think that Parson Brown is a guy's name and he's gonna "do the job" of a husband on the girl doing the singing. A bit of a stretch, but still.

Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree: "Everyone dancing merrily in a new old-fashioned way. Does she mean that it's an old-fashioned way but with a new twist? Is it going to be old-fashioned at some point, although it is currently new? Was she just going for some ambiguity along the lines of "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Or, was she just going for something that sounded nice. Did she realize that she didn't even write this dumb song, and that it was a guy named Johnny Marks? I think she probably did. Did I realize this when I started typing, or did I just look it up on Google? Ehhhh... Could be.

And finally, Aaron Neville - Whatever Christmas song the lame radio station we had on today played. I plugged my ears. Does anyone out there actually like Aaron's... ummm... whatayacallem... stylings? You know, that part when his voice twinkles up and down like a pre-pubescent teenager. Yeah, that. Yesterday, a family member told me that he found someone who said she loves Aaron Neville, but I think he made it up. Aaron Neville's mother has told him that he shouldn't sing when he comes over because it upsets her cats. They prefer to listen to Alvin and the Chipmunks.

What could be better than Christmas songs AND Aaron Neville? Let's see... getting a tooth pulled, having a needle stuck in your neck, the Yankees winning the.... umm no. Scratch that last one.

Hope you're "Simply having a Wonderful Christmastime"

Love,

Mr. Snarky 

Dreaming of a fast Christmas

I don't hate Christmas. Honestly, I don't. But, for the next month, you can expect me to bitch about the parts of Christmas that I do hate. Here we are, the weekend after Thanksgiving, and I am already sick of all the damned commercials using the "Carol of the Bells" or "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" and changing the words to their liking. Every time I hear that shit I want to throw something at my TV.

For the first time ever, this year I went out on Black Friday... or rather, Thanksgiving night and into the beginning of Black Friday. It will likely be the last time ever. We showed up at Walmart (not my favorite place) at around 10:30, after being stuck on the interstate for close to an hour driving the final mile and a half to try to exit to all the amazing shopping in the area. It was a special time. When we got there, the place was a zoo. They were offering Blu-Ray players for 50 bucks starting at midnight. Around 25 or 30 people were standing around a pallet with their hands on the things just waiting for the clock to turn to 12, so these people were there for at least an hour and a half just holding their arms out there so they could hurry to the registers and get out with their prize. Of course, at 12:05, nobody was standing there anymore and there were still 25 or 30 of the players left. I guess they'd have had to wait in the line for an extra 15 minutes or so if they hadn't stood there so long. Makes sense.

Most Christmas songs make me feel a little ill. Lots of people love them. Not me. A little over 1/12 of your life is spent during the "Holiday Season." This means that I have to hear the same, tired, crappy songs 1/12 of the time. So far I've been lucky. My least favorite song, which I counted hearing 77 times one year, has not yet pierced my eardrums. But it's coming. It will be the subject of a later post, I promise.

Tonight we put up the tree and some lights, cleaned up some areas that truly needed attention, and had a decent night. This part of Christmas is just fine with me. Sprucing the place up, and spending time with family is nice. The external crap is what makes me hope that it gets over with, and does it quickly.

Wishing you and yours a very Happy and Speedy Holiday Season.

Mr. Snarky