Things Mr. Snarky is thankful for

        A relative of ours posted a request on her blog asking people to name some things they are thankful for. I think she might get more than she bargained for from Mr. Snarky. So anyway, in no particular order (other than the first one being number one which you will definitely understand in a moment) here they come.

1. I am not dead. I like this a whole lot. I prefer me in my state of not-deadness, which is very much different than undead. I wouldn't like that at all I don't think, unless I got to star in a movie about it with Simon Pegg. That might be cool. If you're reading this, I'm pretty sure you like the fact that I'm not dead as well, but who can be certain about these things.

The Rest

I'm very thankful that I'm not talking to that one guy who never stops talking. You know the one. You think he's done and you try to walk away but he keeps following you and never stops talking even when you say something really obnoxious and he still doesn't pick up on it because that guy never listens anyway... all he ever thinks about is himself and you can try to change the subject and he just keeps going on and on and on. Yeah. That guy. Or the guy who smells bad.

I'm thankful for blog posts asking me what I'm thankful for.  Really. It made me write this. Otherwise I would probably be sleeping right now and who needs that. Maybe I would be sitting here playing plants vs zombies or some other time waster until I got tired.

I am so thankful that I've never fallen on a beer bottle when I was naked. That's all I have to say about that.

I'm thankful that I'm me and not you. No one else gets to be me and that's good. Because I'm better than you. At something anyway. Not sure what. Maybe I'll figure it out when I grow up. (I'm in my 40's)

I'm thankful that I'm not that guy who smells bad.

And beer. I like beer.

I'm thankful that not every song on the radio is by Katie Perry. Cuz that would suck.

I'm thankful for Mrs. Snarky. She laughs at all my attempts at humour; even the ones that aren't funny.

I'm thankful for the British spellings of the words "Humour and Colour" (okay, if she laughs at that, I'll know she's faking cuz it's just not funny)

I'm thankful that the Yankees did not win the World Series this year. They just do that FAR too often.

And finally, I'm thankful for a good book and a warm fire on a cold night; the love of a family member; my good friends; having food to eat and a place to sleep; a good conversation over a cup of coffee; the feeling of a job well done when you've helped someone overcome a problem in their life that they've been working at for years and had no success... or some other crap like that. Oh hell... let's be real. Post-Its... yeah! I'm WAY thankful for Post-Its.

I am also thankful for YOU, dear reader.  With Love, Mister Snarky

Stupid people are just... well... stupid.

  

How many times can a person apologize for doing the same thing over again before it becomes apparent that they aren't really sorry and they just don't give a damn? This morning, I called the dentist's office for Mrs. Snarky and the receptionist there, who has known us for three or four years now, mispronounced my name. Again. Now, as you may have gathered, our last name isn't really Snarky... but it's not all that hard to pronounce. 5 letters. That's it. And it rhymes with every other English word that is spelled with the same last 4 letters. There aren't all that many words you can rhyme it with, but they are out there. WTF is soo damn hard about changing 1 letter? It's always pissed me off since back in the day when you would get calls from salesmen at dinnertime on the house phone and had to answer because caller ID hadn't been invented yet. Those guys ALWAYS screwed it up too. This is worse. I have corrected this person at least 15 times. Yet every time I talk to her, she screws it up again... and apologizes again. It tells me that either: 1. She really doesn't give a damn about me and whether or not I come to that dentist or, 2. she is as dumb as a box of rocks. The Mrs. and I LOVE our dentist. She is a sweet woman who always comes across as being genuinely concerned about you and your family, and she makes every effort to ensure that you are as comfortable as possible as she rips your mouth to shreds. Oh... she also pronounces your fucking name properly.

I felt like making the receptionist repeat my name correctly over and over again this morning. Thought that maybe if I yelled something like "MY NAME IS SNARKY, NOT SNARE KEY!" 7 or 8 times, the next time she called, the idiot would remember how to say it. She'd definitely remember ME. But I didn't. I saved my snarkiness for later, bitching about her in my mind while I was in the shower. I'm thinking of not paying the bill. When she calls me to ask for payment, I'll tell her that if she can pronounce my name right the first time, I will send the check right then and there. If not, call again next week and give it another shot. Dumbass!

But not you guys. You're great. No really, you are.    

                                          Mr. Snarky

I Have a Vagina, How 'Bout You?

        A week or so ago I ended up breaking in to song.  This is not an unusual thing for me to do.  In fact, I really enjoy belting out a tune Opera style.   "I have a vagina, how 'bout you??"  Yep, thems the words.  Catchy isn't it.  It's great fun to sing with others as well.  Especially my three year old grandson. That boy is one of the funniest kids on the planet I tell you!  He knows he doesn't have a vagina, but he doesn't pass up a catchy tune, no matter WHAT the words are.  Obviously.

I was sitting in the kitchen with my sister tonight when said three year old started singing the winsome words in the living room.  "We all have vaginas, how 'bout you?" Well, there were 4 adults nearby and we all started cracking up.  Then, we sang along.   And yes, we all have vaginas, how 'bout you???

Our almost 2 year old granddaughter joined in the musical by singing "Nigh Night fagina."  She can't say V's.  Probably a good thing for now.

Mrs. Snarky    

Still stuck on music

   
       I like Adele's music somewhat, but I'm wondering if there is anyone out there over the age of ten who listens to the current music on the radio with regularity that isn't completely sick of "Rolling in the Deep". Unless you are into oldies or country, you can't help but hear it anywhere from three to ten times a day. We had visitors here in August which is two months ago, and I remember my daughter and her friend talking about how tired they were of the song back then. Could someone send a memo to the radio stations to find something else to play and make us sick of that instead? Please? It's seriously a decent song, but enough is enough! Sometimes I wake up and the damn thing is still running through my head from the day before and it sets me in a mood. I have to mentally turn the channel in my head to get something else stuck in there. PLEASE QUIT PLAYING THAT SONG!

Today, when I switched to my station at work, some damn thing was playing that sounded like sheep mating or something. Almost made me throw up it was so awful, which made me realize just how many bad decisions were made in order for me to hear that particular piece of crap. I mean really! 1. Someone wrote it. 2. Someone decided that the song was worth recording... and even after hearing it, they decided to release it. 3. Someone in programming at the radio station thought it would be a good thing to play. If just one of these idiotic decisions hadn't been made, I might have been listening to a nice Pearl Jam song, or maybe some U2. BUT NO! I decided I'd just take a minute from my busy day and go over and change the station. You'll never guess what was playing. UGH!

Katy Perry. See what I did there? You thought I was going one way and I went another. But let's talk about Katy for a second. First off, she is now the leader in number one songs since Obama got into office. Katy Friggin Perry. If you read my worst lyrics posts, you know I'm not all that fond of her. It started with her first song. I had heard it on the radio only a few times when it came on New Years Rockin' Eve whatever year that was. They brought Dick Clark out of the ice they store him in and he announced her singing "I Kissed a Girl." It kind of freaked me out when our 7 year old "almost relative" started singing about how she liked the taste of her cherry chapstick. Not that I'm a prude, but it seemed a little out there for a seven year old to know all those lyrics. Anyway, I haven't been much into Katy since then.

I will always love you. Well, most of you anyway.

Mr Snarky

Oh Halloween!!

    Do you remember when you were younger and the internet didn't exist?  When we had to come up with our own ideas for costumes, decorating, party ideas?  (Wow am I ever glad THOSE days are over!!!)  When it was "safe" to go trick-or-treating with your friends?  When neighbors would decorate their front room with spookiness and the kids would come right into the house to experience the "horror" of a haunted living room with expectations of candy?

Today was supposed to be a day of decorating and crafting with the kids.  I have these great ideas for something exciting and new that I wanted to share online with friends and family.  No such luck today.  Today has instead become a day of headaches and backed up laundry lines.  BOO!

Personally, I think one of the scariest things in the world is a toilet backing up and overflowing after a child has done his duty and used too much toilet paper.  Freaks me right the heck out!   Well... that's been trumped.  The laundry line backing into the toilet, bathtub and kitchen sink is a weeeeeeeeee bit worse than just a backed up toilet.  UGH!  The smell!  The HORROR!! The kids holding their legs together till the water goes down in the toilet so it can safely be used!  The lint and crud that circles the bathtub.... This is all very frightening!  Halloween ain't got nuthin' on this!!!

So I'm thinking... it would be really cool if we just set the candy up in a floating bowl in the bathtub... stick a knarly looking stuffed animal in the toilet with a grubby head and arm popping out of the top.... set up some creepy jack-o-lanterns around the counters along with some orange and black candles... and then invite the neighborhood to "trick-or-treat" in there and wish them a hearty "GOOD LUCK!"

What do you think?

In the meantime, as I wait for the drain cleaner to show up, I'm enjoying bouncing around online and found this great post from 2009 and thought I'd share it with you.  Please click the link under the pumpkin to be redirected to Laurie Hardin's amazing creations!

Laurie Hardin

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!

Please join in the fun today
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linky follower fest!!!

Mrs. Snarky  

Things You Don't Hear Every Day

Uhhhhhhhh...... what?

Sitting in our kitchen is entertaining.  The kitchen may be small... the booth we sit in is a tight fit for 4 people... the walk space is continually clogged up... But the kitchen is the hub of the house.  It is surrounded by a full and active living room and a hallway leading to the bedrooms and bathroom.  Because of that, you can hear pretty much anything going on in the house just sitting at the kitchen table.  Here are some things I recently overheard:

• "The Evil Ride of doom is over!"
• "Can we do an evil ride of jumpy squids?"
• "Can we do the evil ride of fun doom??"
• "Gamma!  Gamma!  Skeary!  Skeary"
• "I am the EVIL Teacher of Doom!"
• "That last movie was a movie the whole FAMILY can enjoy Gramma!" (finger in the air talking about movie previews before watching Land Before Time)
• To the kids:  "What kinds of things do people do in the bathroom?" Answer "Shave your butt?"
• "Sneizures!" (when someone sneezes 3 or more times in a row)
• "Gramma said 'is she crying? is she screaming? is she blushing blood?'"
• "Your eyes are still open.... I can hear them." (Medium playing in the background)
• "Look at this mysterious ball!" (tiny bouncy ball that looks like a soccer ball)
• People who cuss during sleep have "Sleep tourette's"

I challenge you to listen to what is going on around you and to post those things that you normally don't hear in every day conversation.  You just might discover that you live in a house of weirdos.

The 10 worst song lyrics EVER!! (part 2)

Click here if you missed the first half of The 10 Worst Song Lyrics Ever before continuing with this post. Then for the rest of you.....

Since you've all been so eagerly awaiting the final five songs in this list, I'll just jump right in with...

5. The Girl is Mine - Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson: It is painful for me to trash Paul because I grew up loving the Beatles and a few of Wings' tunes as well. Unfortunately, in this case, Paul deserves it. I don't mind trashing Jacko at all however. This song, while no longer receiving much airplay, still makes me feel ill. Check out this bit of amazingness: "The girl is mine, the doggone girl is mine. I know she's mine, because the doggone girl is mine." That's some deep stuff right there. Especially the 2nd sentence. I know she's mine because... umm... because she's mine doggone it. Well, you really told him!
There has been one occasion on which I enjoyed this song. Thank you Stephen Colbert and John Legend! Check out the vid below. It'll rock your world.


Stephen Colbert - The Girl Is Mine from nicole on Vimeo.

4. Ass Like That - Eminem: Now when it comes to music I hate, Eminem is right up there at the top. I'm truly not a fan of rap and/or hip hop, (in fact I barely consider rap to be music) but I know there are plenty of people out there who like it. Good for them. Enjoy. Just turn it down when I pull up next to you at a stoplight, okay? I promise not to play Barry Manilow so loud that your teeth rattle if you'll do the same for me with Fitty Cent. Deal? Anyway, back to Eminem. I cannot stand the little punk. What a jackass. But that's beside the point. His music sucks too. Check out this gem. It sounds like something a 7th grader might write. "The way you shake it, I can't believe it. I ain't never seen a ass like that.The way you move it, you make my pee-pee go da-doing doing doing." I take it back. It sounds more like a 5th grader.

3. Firework - Katy Perry: A lot of songs don't bother me at first. Then once I've heard one of them 25,000 times, it starts to get on my nerves. Especially when it has annoying lyrics like this one. What's even worse for me is that it is the theme for a movie on our pay per view and my daughter leaves the channel on the tv all the damn time. So now, if I don't take the time to go mute the tv, I get to hear the chorus of this song around every five minutes or so. UGH! So thanks Katy. You're great. "Cause baby you're a firework, come on show em what you're worth. Make em go oh oh oh as you shoot across the sky." Don't you just feel so pumped up?

2. The Thong Song - Sisqo: This was another of my children's favorite songs when they were little. I don't really want to talk about it. "She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck. Thighs like what, what, what? Baby move your butt, butt, butt. Uh, I think to sing it again. She had dumps like a truck...." Boy am I glad that's over.

1. I Gotta Feeling - Black-Eyed Peas: I'm not sure if this will stay at the top of my list forever, but for right now, I'd rather hear any song ever in the top 40 over this POS. I know, plenty of people love it. It's easy to dance to, Mrs. Snarky likes to clean house with it on, and "It's just a fun song," as someone once told me. No. It isn't. Every time you listen to it, your IQ drops a few points, and can only be brought back up by learning some new piece of trivia about the country of Kyrgyzstan. There are so many horrible moments to this song, I barely know where to begin. How about the part when they sing all seven days of the week in order? Maybe the fact that they say "tonight's gonna be a good night" around 300 times. But no, the thing that really gets me is this... "Let's do it and do it and do it do it do it. And do it and do it and do it do it do it." And again and again and again. OMG I HATE THAT SONG!
~~~
Mrs. Snarky was informed that it was nearly impossible to comment on the earlier posts. This situation has been remedied. So I'll end with a request. Comment this post with some of your most hated song lyrics. I know I skipped some good ones. Tell me why you disagree with some of mine. Anything. I want to hear from you. Thanks for reading.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE,

Mr. Snarky.