Why Most Boys SUCK ASS

Hearts are breaking as life goes on all around us. That just pisses me off!

We have an absolutely gorgeous, talented 19 year old daughter who of course thinks she's hideous. What is that? Why are women soooooooooooooo under the impression that they aren't worth a damn? And what is it with young men who use someone up and then dump them along the roadside when they don't "FEEL" for them (or anyone else for that matter) anymore?

Boys (other than my own sons and my husband and stepson of course) are the dumbest creatures in creation. "Who am I?" "Who do I want to be?" "How do you fit into my perfect little picture of a life?" "How long can I drag this out to make you doubt yourself and make you as miserable as you can be before I tell you to get lost?"

If I could fix things for her, I would. I'm her mom after all. She's my baby girl.

If I could, I'd make her dreams, all come true.

If I could, I'd make anyone pay who stomped on her heart.

If I could, I'd buy her a magic mirror that would show her exactly what she is.

If I could, I'd make sure that the only tears that fall from her eyes are due to joy.

If I could, I'd use vampire powers to compel her so that she could forget.

If I could, I'd put him on that Ghost Ship where all the people were cut in half by that wire that snapped... and the last thing he'd see is a glowing image of my daughter.

Or maybe, If I could, I'd hand him over to the psycho in "Saw" and tell the freak to make it a blunt, rusty one.

OR!!!!!!!! If I could, I'd tie him to the spot part of the asteroid fell to on "Deep Impact."

I can't do those things though. LAME!!!!

Eh, I probably wouldn't actually hurt the guy. I like him. I actually like him a lot. I think that's why I'm so shell shocked. I just don't LIKE him right now. I'm sure he's hanging with his friends, having a great time while she is sobbing and moving all of her stuff out of his house.

Maybe I could at least give him a horrendous wedgy that rides up to his throat.

This would be the only time the song "Love Hurts" by Nazareth would be appropriate. Did you know that the name of the man who wrote the song "Love Hurts" is BOUDLEAUX BRYANT????? What in the heckfire kind of name is that anyway??? Were you also aware that the band Nazareth is from Scotland and was formed in 1968? All true. Read it on Wikipedia. That was three years before I was born. Kind of freaks me out a bit.

"I've really learned a lot, really learned a lot. Love is like a flame, it burns you when it's hot. Love hurts. Ooooooooooooooo Love hurts."

Hopefully my daughter is instead listening to songs like "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood. Or "These Boots Are Made For Walkin" by Nancy Sinatra.

Maybe I could just procure some nettles and distribute them through all of his clothing. Or those really really tiny nasty stickers from a cactus that looks all soft and fluffy but is actually the plant from hell.

Well, there's nothing I can actually do at this point. But if you think of anything that might be of help, or a great torture device, let me know!

Mrs. Snarky